Dear Family,
We are writing this letter to provide a platform for families with perpetual questions or emotional stressors that might be surfacing and yet not addressed during this journey. Our life’s calling and experience position us to understand the struggles that some families go through, and we want to use the means of penning these words of encouragement to be a help in a time of need.
The topic for this month is the emotion wave. We have seen many people pass in this line of work, and we have often had the honor of speaking with family members about a loss — whether in person or on the phone. How someone reacts in that moment tells us there is more to this process than the words exchanged. A person’s demeanor goes solemn; some turn to tears. It is as if a wave of emotion has washed over them. Everyone reacts differently: some cry, some talk, some say nothing at all. But the reaction is the response to an emotion wave of shock. Even Jesus, when he heard about the passing of his friend Lazarus, wept.
So what do we do? What do we say? How do we help?
Presence. We start by remembering why we are there: to pay respects, and to grieve alongside a family. Presence is the key. Showing people their value — whether the person who passed is alive in memory or has died — is always rooted in presence. Think back to childhood: how good it felt to have mom, dad, family, and friends there, cheering you on. It is the same thing here. Being present shows a family that we care, and that their loved one was valuable to us.
Words. Shakespeare said the pen is mightier than the sword — what we say carries weight. Every person has their own feelings, so it is worth thinking about what you want to say before you say it. The emotional wave of a loss has already hit a family; they are looking for balance and relief, not more to carry.
Preparation. Preparing a patient and their family ahead of time matters. Make sure that everything you and they need to say to a loved one who is passing gets said. Unresolved issues, or things left unsaid, can become weights — and when the emotional wave hits, those weights sink a family further into grief. If a patient or family is religious or spiritual, meeting those needs before and after a passing is just as critical. Hospice provides staff to support both religious and non-religious needs.
Helping means meeting the needs of the patient and family, so that when the emotional wave of a passing hits, grieving and finding balance again becomes possible.